For The First Time In Months
I reached out to you today for the first time in months.To my surprise you actually responded. I waited for this day to come for a long time. To tell you all about how you hurt me and how you left me feeling. But i just couldn't do it because deep down inside i still loved you. I couldn't bring myself to hurt you the way you hurt me. So i held back and only told you about how much i missed you. Still you didn't care, you were so dry with me and nonchalant. As if thoughts of me disgusted you. As if what you did to me was ok. I felt like you left me to die never coming back to check on me. You never reached out to see if i was ok. I had to pickup the pieces all by myself. Which still aren't there. I've been looking for something that you just can't give me & aren't willing to.
I just need an apology or some sort of message to let me know atleast you cared. You have made me feel so low and inadequate to you. The way you have belittled me and treated me like trash was more than i could bear. When all i ever wanted to do was love you, hurts me beyond repair. I've had so many long dark nights. Filled with tears asking God why, begging him to help me get over you. When that didn't work i stopped lying to myself & begun asking God to bring you back restored and repaired. To be the man i needed you to be. Every prayer i prayed went unanswered and still i was in love and still you weren't there.
It's been plenty of times i wanted to reach out and tell you how i felt but i knew you wouldn't care. You didn't do the whole emotional thing brushing it off saying I was crazy. That's probably the part that hurts the most. If only you knew how much i loved you and could have offered you in this lifetime. A love that would go down in history. The care i had for you was enough to last a lifetime. I only wanted to bring you love, joy peace and happiness but you were too blind to see it.
You didn't love yourself so how could you love me. You didn't even know who you were when i met you or understood the full potential i seen in you. Maybe that's what i fell so hard for...who you could have been. You never grew into that so i had to settle for who you actually were. I will never be able to express my love for you or the pain you put me through face to face. So hopefully one day you open these letters and see the full case!